Just Another Day

I hadn't expected AF ugly appearance to upset me as much as it did today, but I tell you, when you want something so badly and you seem to keep hitting walls, it can be earth shattering.
Today I also did something I hadn't planned on doing so soon.  I let my parents know that I purposely got pregnant last year and I am purposely trying to get pregnant because I have a desire that is greater than any I ever have had.
Did I expect them to agree or understand? No, I only told them because I wanted them to know how I feel.  I have had it up there the figuaratively "here" with lying men and just want a child.  Honestly I don't know if I even want to be married or in a relationship.
Now tonight I sent a text to Mark and I hadn't spoken to him in a while... he says he has cancer... my heart shattered because I care for this man, but I also  remember our history and that his face book address is "I am a Liar" it kinda states that he lies... now I would rather he be the biggest liar than to have cancer... like I said I care for this man, but I don't know what to believe. It takes me back to Chris and Daniel... all there ever was were lies.  I've had enough of that in my life.
Mom said today that children should have both parents and that's how God designed it, but there are some cases where it doesn't work out that way.  I could tell she was trying to understand...  My child will have all the love a child with a mother and father would have. I'll see to my dying breath of that.
I spoke with Todd and we're going for another go.  He promised to be here through to the pregnancy and I am glad to have him as a friend.
Now it's the next day and cycle day two... cd 12 will be here before we know it and I will try to take it into stride and not stress... take it day by day...