That old familiar feeling

After so many cycles, it's shameful that I am so familiar with this feeling of af on her way.... I just wanna cry! I totally felt that we times correctly, but for some reason this is just taking longer than I had hoped... IT bothers me because I'm not giving up and feel like I should. I want to move on and have my baby and God always seems to be standing in my way. What happend to my free will to want to be a mom? Why has this been taken away from me?