Like What...

Seriously I don't know how this cycle went.... I'm almost to the point to where I'm like... okay.... I hate to build up my expectations y'know? So we'll see what happens in a few weeks k?

Just Another Day

I hadn't expected AF ugly appearance to upset me as much as it did today, but I tell you, when you want something so badly and you seem to keep hitting walls, it can be earth shattering.
Today I also did something I hadn't planned on doing so soon.  I let my parents know that I purposely got pregnant last year and I am purposely trying to get pregnant because I have a desire that is greater than any I ever have had.
Did I expect them to agree or understand? No, I only told them because I wanted them to know how I feel.  I have had it up there the figuaratively "here" with lying men and just want a child.  Honestly I don't know if I even want to be married or in a relationship.
Now tonight I sent a text to Mark and I hadn't spoken to him in a while... he says he has cancer... my heart shattered because I care for this man, but I also  remember our history and that his face book address is "I am a Liar" it kinda states that he lies... now I would rather he be the biggest liar than to have cancer... like I said I care for this man, but I don't know what to believe. It takes me back to Chris and Daniel... all there ever was were lies.  I've had enough of that in my life.
Mom said today that children should have both parents and that's how God designed it, but there are some cases where it doesn't work out that way.  I could tell she was trying to understand...  My child will have all the love a child with a mother and father would have. I'll see to my dying breath of that.
I spoke with Todd and we're going for another go.  He promised to be here through to the pregnancy and I am glad to have him as a friend.
Now it's the next day and cycle day two... cd 12 will be here before we know it and I will try to take it into stride and not stress... take it day by day...

Does God Care?

I refuse to sit up here and get old like this.  If God is for me, right now it feels as  if He is not. I don't tell people in this family how I feel because if the words they choose to come out of their mouth! I am angry, I am mad, and I am hurt! This is not the life I thought I would have. I feel like giving up!

AF you stay away you evil biAtch!

With test day a day away and no AF yet I'm even more confused with these temps... I've had light brown spotting the last two days ( just smudges once a day ) and today my temp dipped down.

Could it be implantation or because the weather is cooler and I sleep with the window open for a gentle breeze?

Guess there's only for me to wait to next temp or to test or AF huh?

Headache city

The headaches are a bit more constant these past few days... I cut back on the vitex by two capsules a day, but I just took two with OJ and instead strain above my right eye😩

I'm at work to do a split shift from 12:30 to 2pm then work from 4:30pm to 12:30 am... Was I insane???

Need some extra dough to replace my stolen phone and in my car with my eyes shut is where I can catch some silence for now😋

I was very uncertain of this cycle's take, but really praying I am pregnant and my lining is rich enough for the baby🙏

Praying these headaches are just early pregnancy signs.  I'll start testing after missed AF

In this two week wait

have some TERRIBLE headaches this cycle....  wondering if it's the Vitex or if it's early pregno signs... I pray it's early pregno signs...
I'm cutting my vitex dosage in half and doing half in the morning and half before bed...
Watching Miami Monkey now and just PRAYING this headache goes away cos I'm leaving at 3:30pm for work....
I'm also dealing with wanting and needing a new job and more money.  I also need to come up with $199 to replace my stolen phone. So Pissed it was stolen and kinda have an inkling of who did it....

I wanna puke

I wanted crinkle cut fries and hot ketchup.... Big fail I feel like shit now and my head is hurting.... I felt like this earlier in the store when is was overcome by the stench if the chicken wings display case... If I didn't know better I would think I'm pregnant... 

Thought I missed that!

My temping this cycle is crazy so I was just going with the flow and decided to ask Todd to ship for Oct 1st- CD 12.  After all I usually OV CD12 right??? Well this cycle I didn't get a pos on CD 11 or 12 and thought I had missed it.  I used my last digital OPK on CD 12 and thought I must have missed it, plus just mommy's and baby med all show me ovulating CD 11.... So crazy!

Anyway I'm bleaching chunks in my hair and decide to pee on a stick and wham a totally positive result!  And this is on the unreliable eBay OPK strips that failed me last month... So I did my first Insem the day before this positive OPK and about 20 hrs after Insem two.  

I used preseed both times and this cycle opted to use the syringe followed by the soft cup... I have not been checking my CM and because I was unsure if I was spotting earlier I opted not to EPO this cycle and have not been hitting the water bottle as much as I should have....

We'll see how this cycle goes and continue on :) now I have some crinkle fries and ketchup calling me :)